Sep 04 2015
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Parenting

Ontario Sex-Ed Curriculum – Opportunity Missed?

Right now in Ontario, there is a debate, a protest, a fear about the new sex education curriculum. This is the first update to this curriculum since 1998 (elementary). There are a few things about this new sex education curriculum that is causing such discourse. The nuts and the bolts of it is that parents are afraid of what our kids will be learning and the fact that we will have so little control over what they are taught in school. The truth is folks, we already don’t have a heck of a lot of control about what our kids learn out there in the real world, sex related or not.

One mistake we make as parents (and as humans) is that we get caught up in our own experiences. It is human nature to only remember our own lives and our own experiences. Sometimes I look at my 12 year old daughter and need to remind myself that though she came from me, she is not me. She is going to grow up in a world that I know nothing about. The only thing, and I mean the only real thing, I can do about that is try to prepare her best I can, using the tools I have or have access to. That’s it, it is really simple. I can’t protect her from that mean teacher at school, all I can do is be there for her, talk to her and give her the tools so she can deal. Parents make a big mistake when we either don’t realize or forget that we are not here to fix everything that happens to our kids. No, our job is simple, prepare them for life, their own lives. Teach them how to deal on their own and solve their own problems. Our world is getting harder, and we will not do our kids justice by teaching them to be afraid of that world. We need to arm them, with the knowledge and the confidence that they are capable. The truth is, they are going to have to be a lot more capable than we ever were. Times are a changing, either get on board or go down with the ship. So to all those parents protesting, ask yourself this, how do you want to teach your child to survive?

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Apr 02 2015
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ADHD Awareness, Adult ADHD

Procrastination is the Creative Process of the ADHD Brain

This was written with the intention of trying to show non ADHDers how our brains work. Please share it with your loved ones so they can understand you better :). Good Luck!

With an ADHD brain, time is both your enemy and your best friend. How can I best explain this?

When your brain is going a mile a minute thinking of all these awesome and amazing ideas all at once that you simply must do immediately or they will never get done. PLUS, you are thinking about “I have to do the dishes; I have to get to the grocery store; I have to cook dinner; I have a mountain competing pile of laundry that needs to be done; the bathroom; the living room needs vacuuming; I have to feed the dog…” I think you get the point.

For most brains it would be easy and simple for someone to sit down and prioritize what they have to do and when it should be and can be done. People with ADHD brains have this other “little” problem called “where the heck to I start????”. Even if we actually have the forethought through all this chaotic thinking to just take ten minutes to make a list. Even after that list is made, actually starting the list after all that list making, chances are we need a brain break. We might even start on the first item (that in itself is an accomplishment) the issue then becomes, well I’ve finished that, but now I am too tired mentally to start on the next task, so maybe you try do another task but in order to complete that task, task number 4 needs to be completed first. In a nut shell it all becomes very overwhelming very quickly.

I do find chunking helps a little (sometimes) and it is better than doing nothing. The problem I find with chunking is that I run out of time. I will use chunking when tiding up for example. I will take ten minutes and tidy up the living room then, take a break for ten minutes, then take the piles I have made and bring them back (as close to in proximity) to where they actually belong, take a break for ten minutes, then vacuum for ten minutes then take a break but by then it’s time to go pick up the kids from school and then distraction sets in, the kids are telling me about their day, they want a snack, they have homework or notes from the teacher and then by the time that whirlwind is all over the dishes in the sink look pretty darn daunting let me tell you. Yet I still have to figure out a way to make dinner through that mess. On top of all this, in order for me to get anything done, I need to take some time to quiet my brain. So I sit, do something mindless on the computer for a while maybe to start to re-focus and then that turns into procrastination. Think of procrastination is an ADHDers creative process; the only way we can even begin to think about taking on that next task is to first quiet the brain. The necessary quietness that I create in my brain makes it very difficult for me to start over or start something new. Let the procrastination process begin! It’s a vicious cycle.

Things usually do get done eventually though, but by the time you do finally get through that list, you have to start all over again and let me tell you all something very important, if you learn nothing else, learn this… THE WORST thing you can do to an ADHD brain is create a painfully boring mundane task and then make us do it again!

Truth be told, when I do have time, sometimes, I just don’t want to. And I realize that most people (ADHD brain or not) feel that way, but if you read the above again and imagine your brain thinking like this ALL THE TIME, NON STOP you can maybe get a small peak into the reason my house is a mess! And why I need a housekeeper!

Check out this hilarious video from Totally ADD, it basically explains the above, if you don’t have the attention span to read it 😉

Also, support our efforts in Shining a Positive Light on ADHD at I Am Shiny

creative_process

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Jan 29 2015
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ADHD Awareness, Adult ADHD, Kids with ADHD

I Am Shiny – Shining a Positive Light on ADHD

There is a young girl in Michigan (age 9) who I am truly inspired by. She did something we all need to do; she spoke out publically at her school about her “differences”. She has ADHD and was experiencing social issues with peers and decided to take control of the situation by educating her classmates. She asked her teacher if she could do a presentation to her class about what it is like to have ADHD. Can you even imagine? I mean, how awesome is that? This young girl had the courage and fortitude to stand up in front of her peers and educate them! The presentation shared her experiences and challenges with the condition as well as some positive facts. The presentation also showed all of the amazing things popular (famous) people who have this condition are doing and have done and who are extremely successful.

This is what we need, what ADHD needs! We need people, children, young people and adults to not be afraid of ridicule, we need people to stand up and say “I have ADHD” and I am awesome!

Living with ADHD can be challenging. But really, what in life is not challenging? Everything is challenging, if it’s not one thing then it’s another. There is a lot of science behind why we are the way we are, why we do what we do and why we don’t “fit” into the mold of what society thinks about how we should think. At the end of the day though it really doesn’t matter, we all are who we are and we all think how we think. What we ADHDers need to focus on is teaching ourselves (first and foremost) and then teaching the rest of the world that we have something truly amazing to offer. We ADHDers have a very special and unique way of looking at the world. We see things differently and therefore are able to have a truly unique vantage point. We are creative, we are imaginative, we are out of the box thinkers. If it were not for ADHD type thinking, we would not have half of the things, gadgets and inventions that we all enjoy every day. Objects we can’t live without in many cases. That type of out of the box, big picture thinking is what drives our society. It is what keeps us moving forward. That type of thinking needs to be celebrated not ridiculed. We need ambassadors to spread the word and shed a positive light on “being shiny”.

Within the ADHD community many of us call ourselves “Shiny”. I LOVE this word! It describes an ADHD brain and personality perfectly. Shiny describes how people with ADHD see and feel about the world. How we express ourselves.  The term “Shiny” takes the stigma and negativity away from this condition and gives it a positive and uplifting spirit. We need to get rid of the negativity associated with this condition. Too many adults and children see ADHD as life sentence, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Shiny is a wonderful way to be and I for one a proud to be shiny!

In an effort to stand strong together, we have started an “I Am Shiny” awareness campaign. The campaigns single goal is to shed a positive light on ADHD and therefore raise awareness. To get rid of the stigma that is associated with this condition. Every day, people are afraid to say anything at their jobs, in school, in job interviews or to friends and family for fear of being pigeon held in this “false idea” of what we ADHDers must be like.

Let’s educate about all the amazing things we ADHDers can do. Let’s all stand up together and say “I Am Shiny” and I Am Awesome! Visit our “I Am Shiny” facebook page to pledge your support and keep up to date with all things “Shiny”. Visit www.iamshiny.org

ADHD_different

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Jan 10 2015
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Life

Walmart Revelations 12:14

I was in Walmart the other day and this very friendly young (early 20’s) male cashier was expressing to me his excitement in the thought of getting to end his shift in ten minutes from that moment. I shared my congratulations with him and we continued to discuss/ philosophize the idea of working and how he thought it sucked. He was happy to explain to me that he works with a bunch of idiots. Now in the interest of protecting the innocent I will not divulge to the location of this encounter other than to say it was Walmart. Please feel free to insert your own Walmart judgement.   Anyhoo, he and I discussed how he couldn’t wait to get away from the high school drama that are his Walmart colleagues. Being a person who currently is self-employed after working for “the man” in both large and small corporate settings, I felt it necessary to express my infinite wisdom to this young man and explain to him that this will never change. Drama is everywhere, it is where you are it is after all, human nature. We can never escape human nature. I assured him that no matter where he works and no matter where he  goes, no matter what age we are, we will witness and be affected by the human condition that is “drama”. His response? “Great, now I don’t ever want to work again”. I began to feel that my advice had backfired. Then I said to him point blank, “it’s not the place it’s the people”. He agreed and we repeated this little mantra in unison. Keeping in mind all the while there is a long line of people forming behind me as we have this profound philosophical encounter. He finished bagging my purchases; I bid him good luck and was on my way. I was thinking about his conversation on the drive home, thinking about this very astute young man who obviously (like so many of us) is affected by the drama.  This emotion all of us humans feel the need express in both small and large scales to one another for different reasons. I am using the term drama but the emotion we are really talking about here is passion, impulse, need for acceptance, to be heard. Slice it how you want; it is an emotion we all possess and is the essence of what makes us human. Even love makes us crazy and behave in a dramatic way when we express love. Drama is not bad, but it can be hurtful and let’s be honest, super annoying. Especially when the receiver or casualty of it does not understand what all the fuss is about. Drama a.k.a passion is what drives us as human’s it what makes us go. Imagine a world where no one cared about anything and everyone walked around all laissez-faire. Absolutely nothing would ever get done, but there would be no drama. No “OMG did you see what she was wearing?” just imagine… Just like anything though, you have to take the good with the bad. Drama motivates change; it motivates us to improve ourselves. But at what cost? The world as a whole today has no shortage of drama and the media is more than happy to share it all with us at every possible opportunity. The Kardashian sisters just ate breakfast; we better put that on television asap! I think the real issue with all this drama is the chaotic nature of our society today. It just explodes in areas where it really has no business exploding or seeping into our everyday lives. One of my favourite things I like to say to friends (and to myself) when it all gets too much and by too much, I mean the drama; I remind them “It’s all noise”. Truthfully though, it really is because at the end of the day when you strip it all down and look at it staring at you in the face it’s mostly just chaos that does not even need to exist. It’s either your own drama or someone else’s imposing it upon you. It’s there to confuse you and dull the senses. It’s all parlour tricks meant to distract you from the real issue, whatever that issue is to you. We all just need to calm down, everybody just calm down. I believe that communication is the answer and with that comes drama, but maybe just maybe if we all just take a deep deep breath and count to 10 we can realize that we are all just humans living in this crazy chaotic world and if we can, just for a moment, start to see the beauty in the quiet and we can all live another day and be just fine. Peace brothers and sisters of the human race!

P.S. you know what really scares me? when writing this I didn’t know how to spell Kardashian, but my word processor did! Yikes! _ _ _ _ help us all!!

drama

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Dec 25 2014
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Parenting

Denial is a powerful thing, especially on Christmas morning!

When did you stop believing in Santa? How did it happen for you? We all have our stories and memories of this potentially devastating event in our lives. For our family, this year was another close call, or was it? Our daughter just turned eleven and she still believes. Although, she claims the tooth fairy is a giant hoax. The Easter Bunny and Santa still have credibility apparently. She has asked us questions about it the last couple of years. Many of the kids in her class are aware of the cold hard truth. She chooses to believe that Santa is still here to drop in late at night when we are sleeping and go through our stuff, eat our food and leave us some gifts to open in the morning (kind of creepy when you think about it). Hubby and I have discussed whether or not to burst her bubble but the questions always come up close to Christmas and we just don’t have the heart. With that said, we don’t “lie” either. When she questions us we pull the classic psychologist parenting out “what do you think?” “Do you think Santa really exists?” It seems to work in the short run, it makes her ask herself is she “really” wants to know. This year we came close and I thought it might actually happen. She came home and said “Mom, some of the kids at school say that the parents give us the gifts”. I think I came up with a good age appropriate response for her. I told her that it doesn’t really matter if there is an actual man in a red suit that comes in the night and drops off gifts, because that is not what Christmas is about {insert here what you think Christmas is about}. What matters is what Santa represents, what he symbolizes for us as a culture that celebrates Christmas. What matter most it that children continue to believe in that spirit and the transition into that Sants-less belief is even more important than the belief in Santa itself. So, this morning as you wake up and realize that you left the wrapping out and your smarty pants kid starts questioning why Santa would use our gift labels just tell them it’s the spirit that counts, not the wrapping.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

SantaReal

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Dec 10 2014
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Adult ADHD

Patience for Sale?

Anyone know where I can get some patience? I am NOT a patient person. Probably because of my ADHD or whatever but it doesn’t really matter I am not a patient person. I am NOT patient with electronics. I have been known to throw electronics when they get me going. I threw a knife at a fire alarm once. In my defense I was pregnant so those hormones were raging. I probably would have done it anyway, but I am sticking with pregnancy for that one. I am patient with my kids though, most of the time. That’s good, right?! However, I don’t think my kids would agree… I’ll have to ask them… They will probably laugh their buts off when I do, but trust me I am more patient than they realize when it comes to them, defiantly. I think I must also get this impatience from my mother, maybe it’s genetic. I remember times as a child when my mother was very impatient, frustrated easily. She was kind of famous for it in our circle of friends. There was once an incident with a banana that I won’t get into. I don’t know, it’s probably both learned and genetic. My impatience also affects my life in positive ways; I don’t wait to be asked. It’s where I get my ambition and drive. It keeps me going when things get tough in life. I am not the kind of person to wait around for life to happen to me. I guess my impatience is a big part of how I got to where I am in life so I suppose it’s not all bad. I think I am going to go meditate now, but first I am going to throw my satellite receiver. Peace and Tranquility to you my friends…

Patience

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Dec 07 2014
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On being an entrepreneur

Why Starting a Business is Like Taking a New Lover

I started my first venture about eight years ago now. I was so excited, the newness of it and the excitement of building something myself! It was truly a wonderful time. It’s still wonderful; don’t get me wrong, it’s just… different. Like the start of a new relationship. That first kiss, when you are all filled with excitement and the future and what is going to happen next! Well it’s really kind of the same thing. I still love my business and much like a personal relationship we have had a lot (A LOT) of ups and downs. But we have hung in there together and persevered and like sitting next to your partner of eight years you have to keep the magic alive! Growth is key or complacency can sneak in real sneaky like. Maybe you like your relationships nice and comfortable with little to no change, just all chill and easy. That’s great! But if you’re anything like me, it’s the magic that keeps you alive, motivated and interested. You need that other girl/competitor to come in and shake things up, keep you on your toes. Make sure your dressing all pretty and putting your makeup on. Think of that new business similar to yours that just started up as a challenge, what would you do to keep your man/woman? Would you do whatever it takes or just give up and not even bother anymore. My best advice if you are thinking of starting up a business, think of what kind of person you are when you are in a relationship with another person, are you really ready for that hard work and long term commitment? Oh and by the way, if you get really good, you can take on a new lover or two as well! Hooray!!

Kissing-booth

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Dec 05 2014
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Adult ADHD

I’ve Decided I like my ADHD Brain

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult about three years ago. Looking back upon my life the diagnosis really made me think “oh ya that’s why…ok”. You see I am a female and I went through my entire childhood with teachers telling me that I need to focus and stop talking all the time in class. The diagnosis did relieve a lot of anxiety about who I am, how I think and why I think what I think. Another big help besides finding out I actually had ADHD was the huge community support I found out there for adults (and kidos) with this condition. My son was diagnosed as a child and without opening up that chapter to your all right now, the knowledge of what has been going on my entire life was truly an epiphany. The reason I even thought about the possibility that “I” had ADHD was I was at yet another doctor appointment to discuss the many years of struggle with my weight. The doctor asked casually “have you ever been tested for ADHD?” No, I hadn’t even thought of that! though looking back it’s like Duh lady, have you met yourself? Distracted, tick, unfocused, tick, hyper focused at times, tick, impulsive, tick, inattention to details, tick. Ok so that’s all the “bad stuff” right? What about the awesomeness though?! Able to think outside the box, come up with amazing ideas, some of which are ridiculous but awesome none the less, my ability to see the big picture, how I can make people excited about an idea, I can sell ice to an Eskimo as they say. Most of all I feel like my brain allows me to see things that “others” don’t see. My ADHD can give me distraction but it also allows me to see the beauty in life that sometimes others miss. I can be quirky and interrupt conversations, but I can promise you what I do say is always “interesting” though it may not seem so at the time… I took medication for a while and it does help me stay focused and be less impulsive but the more I think about it the more I fell like those attributes make me who I am, it’s 100% me and that’s not bad. I do think that taking medicine is good and I will probably take it again, but I am enjoying my ADHD brain right now, all the highs and the lows that comes with it. So please if you ever hear from a child that has been diagnosed and is despondent about it tell them, yes there are struggles and yes there are hurdles you will face but man buckle up because it is going to be an awesome ride kid! In the words of the great comedian Gerry Dee “Attention Deficit is a skill AND a Disorder”.

Attention Deficit is a Skill AND a Disorder.

Attention Deficit is a Skill AND a Disorder.

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Feb 12 2014
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Entrepreneurship 101

Mompreneur is a swear word! Yes I said it!

I have known for a very long time that I was an entrepreneur at heart. It was just a question of how and when. My final motivation came mainly from the fact that I need and want to be the one raising my kids. I have nothing against caregivers; there are many wonderful people out there who care for children. I just wanted to be that person, that kind of mother. I always saw myself as a mother since I was a child myself. On the other hand I need intellectual stimulation. I need to have that other side of my brain fulfilled. being an entrepreneur allows me that flexibility.

The word “mompreneur” categorizes entrepreneurs. We are all entrepreneurs aren’t we? I just happen to have kids. We don’t have a special name for a mother (or father for that matter) who works at a “regular job” and there are no “dadpreneurs”.

I understand that this “buzzword” has assisted in the support and success of many entrepreneurs and that is fantastic! The issue I have is the stigma that is inherently attached to the idea that if you are a mother and a business person, you need to be somehow segregated from the crowd of “real” entrepreneurs. It’s not a necessary term in of itself but perhaps in the sense that it does provide mom’s with support that they may not otherwise receive when starting up their own business.

No, I am simply an entrepreneur, however that is interpreted and I love it.

Image

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Jan 21 2014
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Entrepreneurship 101

What makes a good leader?

Working in an office for other people for so many years gave the experience and educational foundation I needed to be successful at becoming an entrepreneur. I worked in a professional environment/office for 15 years before I went into business for myself. I had some great leaders and some not so great leaders. But what is leadership really? There are all kids of “leaders” in the world, all different styles of leadership. Even the Webster’s Dictionary definition leaves interpretation to eye of the beholder:

lead·er·ship

noun \ˈlē-dər-ˌship\

: a position as a leader of a group, organization, etc.

: the time when a person holds the position of leader

: the power or ability to lead other people

All humans need leadership no matter their position in life. Even Kings, Queens, Presidents of both counties and organizations alike have advisors who are influential in the decisions that the important figures make. It is human nature for us to need someone to offer, influence or flat out make decisions for us. But how do we know that that advice or those decisions are good for us? How do we know that we are being lead in the right directions?

Great advice can be found on how to be a great leader there is a plethora of books, training schools and websites on the subject. I have been called a good leader and I take that as a very humble compliment but also validation that I am good at what I do. I have never had formal training in leadership but have always found myself in leadership positions either by choice or by circumstance. Through my own experiences of both having being lead myself and also having lead others. I am of the opinion that true leaders are not made, they are born. Anyone can take courses, read books on what makes a good leader and even implement those lessons in the required situations. The matter of the fact is that while tips and tricks can be learned, true leaders just are. I think what makes the leader in me so effective is my intuitional understanding and inquisitive nature toward human beings. This intuition also gives me my natural interest required in my chosen profession of marketing. Knowing what makes people tick is essentially the nuts and bolts of marketing. Understanding the people that you are leading and being able to understand them in a very short amount of time as well as being a good judge of character. Understanding very quickly what a person’s strengths and weakness are and acknowledging those characteristics is the key of being a good leader. Being able to read natural skills in a person cannot be taught, it just can’t. You may have people in leadership roles who do their best with the intuition that they have in other areas but they may not have the strengths in the area of leadership that is truly required.

Any manager in any profession in any office or baker shop on the corner will tell you; managing people can be difficult. It can be even more difficult for managers that do not inherently understand humans and their behaviours. When people take on management roles in which they manage people, it should be closely identified what kind of manager they would be. When people are promoted or hired into management positions, in many cases they do not fully understand what their role truly means and are not fully prepared for what types of skills they may need to possess in order to effectively manage the people they have been charged to lead. By searching out the strengths and weaknesses the people they are leading, they are essentially affording those people the opportunity to flourish and lead within their own professional skill set. By doing this, we not only empowering the person being lead but also create an overall domino effect among other components/departments of the entre wheel that is being lead. By having a better understanding that people are people and if you can dig into the heart of the people you manage you would find a more harmonious work environment would follow. True born leaders are human intuitive. True leaders create more leaders.

Leadership

The secret to true leadership

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